Your child is your pride and joy. They reflect all the best parts of you and then some! They have endless hopes and dreams and their joy is boundless. When you look at them, you know, “your child is the best!”. However, it is completely normal for some parents to find themselves comparing behaviours in their child with other children. After all, there is no handbook for parents and the best that we’ve got is to share stories with other parents as we tackle behaviours in each development stage.
Sometimes when we compare our children or their behaviours, we begin to set expectations for our children. Except, sometimes we are also setting expectations for ourselves (unknowingly). When we forget to stop and examine the motivation behind those expectations, the pressure can get heavy – real fast. With that, wanting your child to be the best may become more of a burden and less of a declaration.
Tackling motivations behind expectations can help us set healthy goals for our family that doesn’t stress everyone out. Remember that every child is made up of a variety of ‘components’. Some are shy and introspective or outgoing and fearless. Some can spend hours with puzzles and building while other love the challenge of math. All these components make our children unique and a gift to all of those around them. When children excel and fail, it cultivates opportunities for intrinsic motivation. A child who observes another child excelling or enjoying an activity they never explored, spurs curiosity and a drive to give it a try.
A behaviour is learned and progressive – soon enough another challenge will be there to tackle and conquer. So the next time you feel the wave of comparison or feelings of not keeping up as a parent, remember that behaviours do not define the value of your child.
Your partner-in-learning,
Fiona Abbas-Lee
