One of the most common behaviours we see in toddlers is the word “mine.” While it can sometimes feel challenging for parents, this stage is actually an important and healthy part of early development. Understanding what is happening during this stage can help adults respond with patience, consistency, and confidence.
What is the “Mine” Stage?
Between approximately ages 1–3, children are in a key period of development where they are learning:
- A sense of ownership (“this is mine”)
- Growing independence
- That they are separate individuals from others
- Early communication and self-expression skills
During this time, sharing is not yet a natural skill. Instead, it is something that develops gradually through modelling, repetition, and guided support from caring adults. It is important to remember that saying “mine” is not a sign of selfishness, but it is a sign of healthy cognitive and emotional development.
Why This Happens
Toddlers are still developing important life skills, including:
- Understanding ownership and boundaries
- Managing big emotions and frustration
- Waiting and impulse control
- Early empathy and perspective-taking
Because these skills are still emerging, young children often find it difficult to share or take turns without support. This is completely expected at this age and stage.
How Adults Can Support Sharing and Turn-Taking
With the right guidance, children gradually learn how to interact positively with others. Here are some simple and effective strategies we use and recommend:
- Offer a Plan Before Play: Before children begin playing, setting clear and simple expectations can help them feel secure. For example:
- What toys can be shared
- Which items are special or “just for me”
- How turn-taking will work
This helps reduce conflict and supports smoother play experiences.
- Teach Simple Social Language: Children learn how to interact by hearing and practicing phrases such as:
- “Can I have a turn when you’re done?”
- “Can we trade?”
- “Let’s play together.”
Adults can model these phrases during play to support learning in real time.
- Practice Through Everyday Moments: Sharing is best learned through experience. Opportunities include:
- Playground equipment
- Group play activities
- Family toys at home
- Classroom materials
With repetition, children begin to understand how turn-taking works in real situations.
- Notice and Praise Effort: Positive reinforcement helps build confidence and encourages repetition of kind behaviour. For example:
- “I saw you waiting—great job!”
- “You shared so nicely, that was kind.”
- “You took turns really well with your friend.”
Focusing on effort rather than perfection is key.
Helpful Phrases for Parents
During challenging moments, calm and simple language is most effective:
- “You are using it right now. When you are finished, it will be their turn.”
- “It’s hard to wait. I’m here to help you.”
- “Let’s find something else while we wait.”
- “You are learning to take turns—that takes practice.”
Parenting Tips That Make a Difference
- Avoid forcing sharing before children are ready
- Focus on turn-taking instead of immediate sharing
- Stay calm and consistent during conflicts
- Model sharing in everyday life
- Keep expectations simple and clear
Children learn most from what they see, not just what they are told.
A Gentle Reminder
The “Mine” stage is a normal and important part of growing up. With time, support, and consistent guidance, children develop:
- Empathy
- Patience
- Turn-taking skills
- Positive social relationships
Rather than viewing “mine” as difficult behaviour, we can see it as a child learning how the world works and how to be part of it. We support children through this stage with patience, guidance, and care, helping them build the social skills they will use for life.
